'I’m the constitution of lemon and lime' sings CMAT, as if it’s a bad thing. She’s sweet, fun, adds something new to an otherwise same-y world of music ... the list goes on.
On her second album, Crazymad, for me, CMAT is embracing the drama of a breakup and the events that lead to it–as well as the emotions that carry on for years to come. She’s taken a time of one’s life that is infamously horrible and makes 12 songs of silly girl fun pop to overcome the trauma of it. While I am describing it as such for its references to culture like Gilmore Girls, Sex and the City and lines like ‘silly bitch–woo!’ it’s not to be dismissed as an emotionless album of pop songs: these songs have lines that WILL leave you feeling personally attacked and wanting to learn how to love your own company. It’s a therapy session in 45 minutes – it’s a lot more personal than her debut, while keeping the popstar iconography that we know and love. In her words: ‘maybe funeral humour is the way to describe it’.
While there are some key differences on this album versus her debut, If My Wife New I’d Be Dead, CMAT keeps to her roots: both albums open with a song that describes her country-loving heart perfectly, a song about running away from the throes of life to America. The physical move represents her move from prioritising the feelings of a lover over herself,instead making a journey to make art – but maybe not for the right reasons. The line ‘cos everybody likes me when my pain is in a sonnet' in Crazymad’s California ripped my heart out and stamped all over it, because how can someone as cool as CMAT not be getting the love and attention she deserves?
The 12 songs were originally set into 4 sections of 3, which CMAT described as:
‘The first section was basically just being angry, this guy fucking sucks, I hate him. The second bit of the album’s like: wait, what if I have actually done something wrong in my life?’
The first three songs are fun. That’s the best way to describe them. Yes, they have lyrics that will leave you blank-staring at the wall, but they have fun tempos and keep up with the beginning of a breakup: going from ‘thank God that’s done’ to ‘oh no, now no one loves me’. She totally encapsulates the rollercoaster of emotions brilliantly.
But just when you think it’s going to continue like this, CMAT takes us to Such a Miranda, an acoustic ballad about being something worse than yourself to make your (now ex) boyfriend feel better–not wanting to become their ex but knowing that’s what they want. If you’ve been in any kind of toxic or controlling relationship, this will hit you where it hurts. I genuinely feel a bit sick listening to it, for how well she manages to translate that constant anxiety and worry into an under-three-minute song. The line 'but I’m still not as old as you were when we first met' genuinely made me pause the album and make a cuppa while I stewed on it. Songwriting at its finest, I will think of this song every single day.
If that wasn’t enough, the aforementioned stamped on heart ripped out of me has been set ablaze by Rent, another country inspired ditty about a toxic relationship, made even worse by the fact that CMAT is no longer angry. She just wants this person to be a better person than they were when they were in a relationship. It’s about having nightmares of being texted by them, not knowing anything about them anymore (or their true self, for that matter) and having to take far too much responsibility at such a young age. It’s truly heartbreaking, but again–she gathers so much horrors of this relationship to these painfully relatable songs. For an artist who isn’t TRYING to be relatable and simply just is, CMAT is the voice for twenty-somethings who have endured this kind of love.
This allowance of feeling emotions that maybe you ignored at the time is amplified on Where Are Your Kids Tonight, the third single from the album. It’s a kind of grieving of what once was ('I can feel it slipping away / my last sweet shred of stupidness') and needing to feel these feelings to move past the traumas. Above all else, this song is possibly the best showcase of CMAT’s vocals. Twinned with John Grants, you can really feel the emotion inboth of their voices and the way they swell on the outro is just fantastic. I think also, as being the least explicitly personal, it was the best choice for a duet – the rest are all CMAT’s story, so to combine another voice on it would almost take away from the heartiness of those emotions. It’s a great middle track to bring the album back from the songs of heavy acoustic guitar, bringing us to the section of the album that is less about the immediate upset and anger and more shock at putting up with this treatment.
On the topic of the singles - Whatever’s Inconvenient, the first from the album, was one that took a moment to grow on me when it was released, but listening to it in its rightful order makes me appreciate it greatly. It’s for the girls who accept their often poor choices in men, and accepting is the first step to recovering. It’s a song about wanting to change how you treat yourself, questioning your actions in an attempt to fix them–this song is CMAT consistently asking ‘why do I do xyz?’ the start of her eventual lesson that she needs to put herself first, not doing things that might feel good at the time but end in heartbreak.
The most recent of the four singles released was Stay for Something, which is perfect for running away. It’s an acknowledgement that you were treated badly, lied to, hurt–but who are we to not make art of it? The final line 'hope you find what you’re looking for' reflects that lack of anger, just wanting them to be better. CMAT has survived it, she doesn’t need any revenge: just the knowledge that they’re not hurting anyone else. It shows her kindness and goodness, consistently putting people first: except now, she’s not sacrificing herself for it.
The winner for best song title goes to I... Hate Who I Am When I’m Horny, a song for anyone who’s ever decided on a sexual partner when they’re ovulating. It’s a Kate Bush inspired song, filled with haunting backing vocals and piano, all about being shaped by our experiences and learning about ourselves from the choices we make. Everything is a learning curve, and CMAT makes it even more theatrical.
The album closes with the single that I loved the most: Have Fun! It’s the end of CMAT’s journey to self-love and acceptance. From anger to acceptance, for no reason other than simply not caring what your ex is doing. She’s able to laugh at herself, at the situation, and know she did her best and that someone’s horrid nature isn’t her fault. 'But that's what I'm like / I stick my neck right out for love' is a reminder that she is who she is – why should she change for anyone, let alone someone who still won’t be satisfied?
This album is a love letter to yourself, to accepting that recovering and healing from toxicity doesn’t happen overnight. Feelings can lay dormant for years before you begin to overcome them; the message I personally am taking from this album is the beauty in making art from pain. CMAT goes from wanting to run away from these feelings to no longer caring–the specifics don’t matter, just the knowledge that you can move on from whatever the situation may have been. Also, if you want to talk about it, scream about it, moan about it to anyone who listens, that’s well within your right: there’s no deadline on emotions. I think that Crazymad, For Me is going to be an instant classic – there isn’t a group I can think of that won’t resonate with at least one message init.
